Home of a mother, wife, writer

Welcome back for day 14 of Just Jot It January. I kind of skipped yesterday. I still wrote a post. About snow dumping on us, a snippet from one of my work in progresses, and my RoW80 update. You can check it out if you want. Or not.

Today’s theme is motivation. This is something I was definitely struggling with yesterday morning. I could barely drag myself out of bed. When I did get up, my five-year-old son was already awake. I try to get up early so I can get some writing in before either kid is up. Did I mention it was only 5 a.m.?

I just couldn’t quite find the motivation to write. But, I sat down anyway after I got my coffee. Still I only managed a little over 100 words in almost half an hour. Usually I can get close to 500 words in that time, sometimes over that. I decided to go out and try to blow the snow out of the driveway and in front of the garage. After all, my husband said the snowblower should start right up. He was up in the city plowing snow, and I wanted to get it done before the kids left for school(which ended up being delayed 2 hours anyway).

Needless to say, I couldn’t get it started. Finally gave up, grabbed the shovel, and cleared out in front of the garage door and a path along the sidewalk up to our front door.

Came back inside, got the kids breakfast, and started to lose it a bit. Between being frustrated, the pup whining because I wasn’t holding him, and the sounds of the kids chewing/slurping milk(I can usually handle these things apart, but together it was too much), I could feel my anxiety levels ratcheting up. Definitely not a motivation-builder.

I tried again to go out and start the snowblower. Got it to barely start only for it to shut off again. And I lost it even more. I know it was a stupid thing, but my brain often turns those into major catastrophes. Quickly slipped from “I can’t start the snowblower” to “I can’t do anything. Why bother.” It’s been quite a while since those thoughts have gotten so bad. After about half an hour of crying/cuddling the pup(which did make me feel better…until he kept trying to gnaw on my thumb).

Finally went out to try again. Mostly because I was really going to feel like an idiot if my husband got home and started it right up. I always have trouble with pull-start motors because I don’t have a lot of upper body strength. For some reason, it did start right up that time. It took probably 45 minutes or so to clear out the driveway and area in front of the garage.

And it seemed to have loosen up the words. By the time the bus did come, I was almost to my goal for the day. Taking so long to get there, did put me a bit behind for the rest of the day, but eventually I made it there.

I have people ask me all the time how I can find the motivation to get up so early, but that’s why really. When I write first thing in the morning, I feel better. When I don’t, things seem to get to me a lot more. So, it’s a coping mechanism, really.

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