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Writing Wednesday: Scattered

This week started out pretty good. I got all my writing done by lunchtime on Monday and even got a 1 mile+ walk in during that time(and my legs felt about dead after having to climb back up the hill to our house). I’m hoping to get 2-3 walks in a week for right now. Of course the kids only have about 3.5 weeks of school left and then I’ll have to figure out what to do. We may be able to walk down to the free beach at the lake, but I have to clock the mileage still(I don’t think it’s much more than a mile). I may do that on my next walk.

Tuesday I had a serious lack of focus. Not sure why. I just felt completely scattered. I did still manage to almost everything done before the kids got home from school. Only had to finish typing chapter 18 of In the Moonlight(it’s a longer one) up into scrivener and type up Jayla’s back story(wrote it by hand first). I still managed to finish them by dinnertime. Today I’m still feeling scattered, but instead of trying to force my mind to focus, I’m going with it. I have all my projects open and am bouncing between them. I’ve already managed to get my side projects done(those are usually the last I work on for the day).

And now, it’s WiPPet Wednesday!! So, it’s time for another snippet.  Still working on Not Meant to Be. While still with Denise, Toby got a call from Isaac that Jonas was attacked while in the park and he’s in the hospital. So, we’re there with him now and all the thoughts going on in his head. Tereza is Toby’s half-sister, their mom abandoned her when she was a few years old, and the two of them have just recently figured out their connection(that happened in Carlos’ story). Edward married Toby’s mom when Toby was about fourteen and adopted Toby. He was killed during a mugging about ten years before this, and Toby was one of the officers that responded to the call.  For today, I have 13 paragraphs(5+1+7).

Toby backed away from the counter, but he couldn’t sit. What if it was worse than Isaac had thought? What if his brother was bleeding out right now and there was nothing they could do to save him? He almost thought he felt a hand on his shoulder. It felt like Edward’s. But, he knew that wasn’t possible. Still, he heard Edward’s voice in his head. “This isn’t your fault, Tobias. Not everything bad that happens is your fault. Be strong for your mama.”
The same words Edward had said to him that day while they waited for the ambulance to get there. “I tried,” he whispered. “I’ve tried to be everything you wanted me to be.”
“Toby?”
He spun around at the soft voice, surprised to see Tereza there. “What are you doing here?”
She glanced around then seemed to relax when she saw it was just him. He wished she knew how much that hurt. His mom was trying, but Tereza didn’t seem to want to give her a chance. “Denise called and told me what happened. Well, what she knew anyway. She wanted to be here but said you told her to stay put.”
He glanced away, his hands balling into fists at his sides. “She’s better off away from me. I can’t put her in danger.”
“Idiot,” Tereza said, shoving against his shoulder. “I told her I’d call you one, but I’ll do it for myself too. You really think she wants to be kept at a distance from you?”
“It’s what’s best,” he said. “She deserves better than me.”
Tereza pressed her fingers into his shoulder but didn’t bother pushing this time. “I’d call you an idiot again, but I don’t think that’s a strong enough word for you. Why do you think there’s a better man out there than you? Besides Carlos, of course.”
Toby snorted at that. “Isn’t that obvious? I’m not much better than a screw-up. I made so many bad decisions. If it wasn’t for Edward, I would have gone right back to it. And then I couldn’t even save him. I can’t protect Denise. I couldn’t even keep my brother safe. He’s in there now probably because of me. What good am I?”
“Mijo,” his mother’s broken voice came from the doorway. Tereza stiffened, but she didn’t back away. “Tobias. Do not speak of yourself that way.”
“Mama, this is my fault. He said it was a message for me. If not for me, Jonas would be perfectly fine right now. If I was a better man, the man Edward wanted me to be, I’d be able to keep Denise safe and stop thinking about taking her to bed.”
His face warmed at admitting that, but his mother only smiled, brushing some hair back from his face. “Edward wanted everything for you. He saw the good man behind all the bitterness and anger and hurt. He helped bring that man out of you. He would not be disappointed in the man in front of me. The only thing that would hurt him is you taking so much on yourself. The mistakes of your past aren’t any worse than mine,” she said with a quick glance toward Tereza. “He was so proud of you, mijo. He wouldn’t want this.”

Plotting

  • Still Burning finish Story Toolkit, Outline
  • Jayla & Carisa(Gilbert, Co #7) brainstormcharacter back stories, plot summaryget through Story Toolkit: Supporting Characters – finished GMCs & Jayla’s back story(754 words). Started Carisa’s(who happens to be Carlos’ baby sister) back story.

Writing

  • Not Meant to Be – Add 53000 words/28 scenes to finish 1st draft – 13686 words/16 scenes finished this month, 2603 words/3 scenes this week
  • Side Projects – Add 4400 words between all projects – 6083/4400 words, 1086 words this week
    • Preggers – 194 words – It didn’t work. She couldn’t stop the memories of Darren that almost played like old videos through her head. The times he’d sat next to her when she’d been so homesick, even with him there. How he’d known she got more comfort from that than a hug. Marika had somehow seemed to sense that as well. Or she just hadn’t thought they knew each other well enough for more than that.
    • Tavin & Haiwee – 130 words – “There ye go, lad,” he said, patting the horse’s neck. “Ye’ll be feeling better soon.”
    • Patrick & Sarah – 109 words – His boss stepped out of one of the other stalls and nodded at Patrick. “You’ve been working hard lately, Bailey. If the plowing’s all done, why don’t you take off tomorrow? I’m sure there’s something waiting for you in town.”
    • Jacob & Matthew – 102 words – Jacob shook his head, though, smiling a little bit to himself. He had only played a couple hands of cards before making his way up to the room Matthew had rented, hoping no one would connect the two of them going into the same room. “Pa was expecting me back in town today. And I wouldn’t want to miss the wedding. Those friends of Adam’s show yet?”
    • Midas’ Daughter – 143 words – She nearly screamed as she spun around. Then, put a hand over her chest when she saw Flip. His face was fuzzed with that reddish-blond hair that fell slightly into his eyes. She had the urge to run her palm over the scruff, but she quickly squashed it. Not that he’d appreciate it. He’d made that clear years ago. “Don’t tell me you don’t do the same,” she said. “I’ve heard you.” *You might be surprised by what he wants, Calla. 😉
    • Dougal & Shae – 191 words – “What the bloody hell does that have to do with anything?” Dougal didn’t know where Donovan was heading with this. Or what any of it had to do with him.
    • Hawk – 217 words – Still I’d take it while I could get it. Just like I’d take Devil for as long as he still wanted me.*Oh, don’t worry, Hawk, I’m sure that’s going to be for a good long time.

Editing

  • Flames of Renewal – CP Edits
  • In the Moonlight – Transfer from OneNote(on my Surface) to Scrivener(on my laptop) – 27 chapters(there’s actually 32, counting the epilogue, but I’d already started it before) – 13/27 chapters typed up.
  • Snow White Twist – Beta edits, rename, & submitcompiled notes from 1 beta reader to the main document(so I can put them all in one place when I get them back from other reader) for 4/8 chapters(1st 2 chapters done last month). Have a potential title for it as well. Still simmering on that, though.
  • Dance with the Devilread through, make revisions, & polish – Applied 81/81 comments(not counting areas I highlighted, though those will be fixed as I go through, too)
  • Beta Read – Read 58 chapters(total of 73, but that’s what I have left) & return to author – 32/58,

Blogging

  • Story a Day – Write 31 stories – 16/31 stories written, 3 this week

Reading

  • Listen: 5 books – 5/5 for the month, 1 this week
    • Ten Thousand Skies Above You(Claudia Gray) – Started this Monday morning. Finished it Tuesday evening. Really liked it. But that ending. Oof. I’ll just say there’s lots to make right in book 3, or I’m going to be really disappointed.
    • Conspiracy(Lindsay Buroker) – this is book 4 in her Emperor’s Edge series.
  • Read: 31 books – 17/31, 4 this week
    • All Fired Up(Elle Kennedy & Vivian Arend) – Started this Sunday night(5/7). It was in my ‘free’ collection, so will be my ‘read after everything for the week is done’ book(I choose from my free & unlimited collections for this). Finished it this past Sunday night(5/14). Enjoyed it. Added the next book in the series to my wish list.
    • Missed Connections(Tamara Mataya) – Started this Saturday night. Finished it Sunday afternoon. Really enjoyed it.
    • One Night Charmer/Hometown Heartbreaker(Maisey Yates) – I started One Night Charmer Monday morning. There’s also a novella included in the back of the book. Finished ONC Monday night and enjoyed it, but didn’t get to Hometown Heartbreaker.
    • Nightsong(A.M. Leibowitz) – started this Tuesday evening. Finished it Tuesday night. Stayed up an hour later than usual because I just didn’t want to stop reading. I loved it so much.

Crafting

  • Knit: Duo Cable Hat – finally got more yarn for this on Sunday. Finished 2 decrease rounds
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Stream of Consciousness Saturday: “Be”

Today’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday prompt is “be”, either as it is or as part of another word. And since my CP “gave me permission” to ignore everything else yesterday and work on plotting a story that wasn’t supposed to be worked on yet(already have all the brainstorming done now), I’ll be diving a bit more into that with today’s. I do so love writing characters who have checkered pasts.

Carlos stared at the woman across the table from him. He couldn’t believe she was here. Sure, he’d caught glimpses of her over the years, but she’d never come into his place before. And she’d said she wanted to speak to him. What could she have to say to him?

He didn’t think they’d spoken since Adriane’s funeral.

“What can I do for you, Tereza?” he finally asked. How did his voice sound so smooth when everything felt so ragged inside.

“I needed…I needed someone to talk to.”

“Don’t you have friends for that? I’m sure you have plenty of them. You always did.”

“I have friends from law school. And I have colleagues at the firm. None of them know me from…”

“Before?” he asked softly. “When you were just a street kid like the rest of us.”

“Yeah.” her voice was quiet, barely more than a whisper.

Carlos reached out and set a scarred finger under her chin, lifting it so she had to look at him. And he swathe guilt and shame in her eyes. “What is this? You have nothing to be ashamed of. You survived, Reza. We all did. Not everyone was so lucky.”

“And I got swept  away from it all, adopted by the Pella family, given everything  could want. None of you were that lucky.”

Carlos rolled his eyes and leaned back in the chair. “So, you feel guilty for your good fortune?” He let out a stream of Spanish at that, and she narrowed her eyes.

“I am not stupid, Carlos, nor am I a fool.”

“Then, stop acting like one. What is this really about?”

She twisted her fingers together then let them drop again. “You’ve done things that never should be forgiven.”

He closed his eyes at that. Fifteen years and he still hadn’t completely shut those years away. He wished he could totally erase them. Unfortunately, that would never happen. “And I haven’t forgiven myself for them. I know others haven’t, either.”

“So, there’s no way to redeem yourself for past sins?”

His eyes snapped back to hers at that. “Not for some things. What have you ever done that you’d need redemption for, though?”

“My job. And because of it, someone died. A man I helped get free went out and killed the woman who was going to testify against him. And it’s my fault.”

He reached across and took her hand. “You know better than that. You didn’t make him do anything.” It had been so long since he’d touched her. Her skin felt like silk against his rough hand. He had to close his eyes against the reaction that rose up in him.

“I wish I could make myself believe that.”

 

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