Today’s Story a Day prompt was to torture your protagonist. This may be something I like to do a little too much(Nah!!). This may not be “torture” exactly, at least not the kind most people might think of. But, I bet Devil would definitely consider it so. This is more of the emotional/sexual tension kind of torture, though. So, saying: If you have a problem with two guys being together(nothing more than kissing in this piece), steer clear. Also, you may want to read yesterday’s piece, because it comes right before this.
It didn’t take me very long to catch up to Hawk. But, he refused to respond to any of my attempts to get his attention. So, I was forced to follow behind him, steaming at how easily he could ignore me.
I’d never been able to ignore his presence.
When he took a turn away from the clubhouse, I was surprised, but I followed anyways. We needed to have this out. Maybe we couldn’t go where he wanted us to. I wasn’t willing to lose the family I’d come into over it. But, I wasn’t willing to lose my riding partner, either. I’d known Hawk since before that was the name he went by and before I was Devil, before I was even a Marine. He was more than the guy I went out on patrols with for the club. So much more. Even if I didn’t usually let myself think about that.
And because I didn’t want to think about it, examine it, talk about it, I might be losing the one thing I would allow myself to have with him. It would kill me to lose that, too.
The sky darkened above us, and I looked up from under my helmet. Heavy clouds were rolling in. I flashed my headlight at Hawk, hoping to get his attention finally. His head moved, as if taking in my signal and the clouds above when I pointed up. But, he didn’t stop.
I really didn’t want to be getting wet while on the bike, but the only other option was turning around and abandoning Hawk, which would give him the idea I didn’t think he was worth it.
I couldn’t let him think that.
So, I kept following. Even when the first drops of rain hit the backs of my hands. Hawk didn’t seem to react at all. He had his leather jacket on under his cut already. I hadn’t bothered to grab mine before running out of the house. So, I had no protection save for the long-sleeve shirt I had on. It wouldn’t take long for it to soak through if the rain continued.
Hawk turned down yet another road, and I swore a little. This wasn’t even toward the place he kept away from the clubhouse. Where was he taking me? No, that wasn’t fair. He hadn’t asked me to follow him. This was all my own fault. And it was too late to turn back now.
The rain was coming down harder, pounding against the top of my helmet and soaking right through my shirt and jeans. He turned again, this time down what seemed little more than an overgrown trail. Maybe it had been a driveway once, but it didn’t look like any vehicles had used it in quite some time. There was a barn at the end of it, though. It looked like it was a miracle it was still standing, yet Hawk headed right for it.
I did, too, idiot that I was.
He rode straight into the barn, since the door was hanging open anyway.
I did, too. Sometimes, I thought I would follow him anywhere. Even into Hell. Or an old ramshackle barn.
Hawk was already climbing off his bike when I shut mine down. He took off his helmet, and I caught my breath. No, I couldn’t do this, couldn’t let my thoughts go there. It would only lead to disaster. But, the I couldn’t stop watching the way water streamed down his face. The helmet had kept the top of his head dry, but the rest of his reddish-gold hair was plastered to the sides of his face. I didn’t even know why that snagged my attention so much. I’d seen it before, often due to sweating outside, but for some reason, now I couldn’t move off my bike.
I pulled off my helmet and hung it off the end of the handlebar all without looking away from him. His chest heaved as if he was out of breath from running the distance we’d ridden. Then, he slowly closed his eyes. “Fuck, Damon.”
I’d only heard his voice that rough once before. The only time I’d let things go too far between us. I couldn’t let it happen again. “Hawk, please don’t do this.”
“What?” he asked, slipping off his vest and hanging it from his handlebars only long enough to remove his jacket, then he was wearing the cut again. He brought the jacket over to me. I took it, but didn’t put it on as I did finally climb off my bike. “Find a place out of the rain?” he asked, stepping back again.
“You know what I mean. Don’t find another riding partner. I need you with me when I’m out there, Hawk.”
“You can trust any of the guys to have your back. You don’t need me. I told you what I need from you.”
The one thing I couldn’t give him. “Hawk, I told you-”
“And I’ve told you, they won’t care. They know about me, Damon. Almost every one of them, at least the older members. They don’t care. They aren’t like your parents, they wouldn’t blame your brother’s drug problem on your sexuality. Or eventually his death. That never made much sense to me; blaming you when you were there and when you weren’t.”
It had never made much sense to me, either. But, that was my parents for you. They hadn’t even been there to greet me when I’d been discharged from the Corps and come home the final time. Only Hawk had been. That should have been my first clue.
He took a step toward me, and I tried to step back, but I tripped over something on the floor. Hawk darted forward and caught me before I could hit the ground. I would have thanked him if I hadn’t seen how heated his eyes had gotten. His gaze took in the shirt still plastered to my chest, and I knew where his thoughts were going. The same place I was trying to keep mine from straying to.
“Hawk…” But, I couldn’t find it in me to deny it all again. Would one time really hurt? There was no one else here to see us.
I was sure he was reading my thoughts because his hand slipped from under my arm to the small of my back. I put both hands on his chest, the fingers of one just covering the Lieutenant tab on his vest. “This is probably a mistake,” I told him.
“I don’t care,” he said, his mouth hovering close, so close, to mine. I could feel his breath on my lips as he spoke. “It feels like everything that’s ever taken me away from you was a mistake. This can’t be a worse one than those.”
I closed my eyes and didn’t stop him when his lips pressed to mine. Instead I opened my mouth, let him in, pressed into him. It might be a mistake, but he was right, it wouldn’t be the worst one I’d ever made.
“Your eyes,” he murmured against my lips. “I want to see your eyes when I’m touching you, Damon.” His hand slipped under my shirt, and I shivered at the feel of it against my bare skin.
But, I opened my eyes. And looked right into his eyes, murmuring his name, his real name, “Gavin”, as he pressed into me again. And that was all it took to be lost in him.